2 Day Workshop

Our signature 2-day workshop is suitable for anyone wanting better connection with others and improved results in their workplace. The concepts and skills development, followed by real-world application on actual personal and professional challenges, makes this training well worth the time of all members of an organization, from C-level executives to front-line staff.

2 day workshop agends

Our goal is to help organizations enable their teams’ and employees’ to transform conflict into creativity and produce optimal results. Contact Martin to schedule a one on one appointment.

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Creating Results through our Human Connection

Creating Results through our Human Connection

Dealing with conflict or disconnection with others is something no one enjoys or can completely avoid.  Yet, how do you transform that destructive tension of conflict and disconnection into the dynamic energy of creativity and connection, on the spot, in real time?

This is a question and a concern most people in business, in politics and in relationship may contemplate from time to time.  What do you do and how do you do it?  Most would agree that if there was a skill that would help individuals transform conflict into creativity on the spot in real time, it would be so valuable that it would create a whole new narrative in relationships, at work and even in politics.

The Curiosity Theory two day workshop
Our two day workshop is called Conscious Choosing for Flow. In our workshop we distinguish a new narrative about what conflict and disconnection is and how you address it, in the moment.  This is not a workshop about concepts, even though we bring some out.  It is not a workshop to generate warm and fuzzies, although if that’s what you choose to create, you will have a new way of doing it.  This is a workshop about a new way of thinking and behaving that will help you get the results you really want and have the interactions with others that really work for you.

In this workshop, you will learn about the clearly defined Progressive and Regressive Cycles, what puts each of them in motion and how to choose the one that will benefit your interactions with others while getting the results you most want in our life and business.  You will learn a clear four (4)-step process for getting results any time you choose to employ it.  It is called the STAR Process for Results.  STAR stands for Stop, Think, Act, and Review.  You will also learn a clear four (4)-step process for connecting with others any time you choose to employ it.  This Skill for Connection is based on the inter-relation of Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests.  One of the most important things you will learn is that part of both 4-step processes is the driving force of Feelings and Needs in our daily lives, in our teams and in our organizations.  Needs and the Feelings attached to them drive everything we do as human beings.  So, to create the Human Connection, we must acknowledge, identify, and know how to work with Needs and our Feelings.

We will bust some myths about Feelings; that they are messy, you shouldn’t talk about them and that some people can deal with them and some can’t.  This is not a kumbaya approach to Feelings.  This is an approach that even if the only Feelings you are aware of are ‘Yum” or “Yuck”, it will still work.  This does involve some level of Emotional Intelligence.  You will be surprised how simple it is to learn and use in your daily lives.

Posted in Blog.News.Announcements

Webinar: Asking Questions That Invoke Curiosity

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Stuck is Stuck! Just Because

Do you ever feel stuck, frustrated that the same issues in your life today are those you also faced yesterday? Your default mechanism seems to be rooted in “because.” Because your direct reports don’t think for themselves. Because your wife didn’t take your advice. Because that company only cares about making money.

“Because” can be the scapegoat for our complaints, blames and judgments. But what if we shifted our self-justified knowing into conscious curiosity?

Invoking Conscious Curiosity

Curiosity is a concept we’re all familiar with and most of us probably like to think we keep an open mind and are open to new ideas and experiences. We research subjects we’re interested in, spending hours online investigating and exploring and learning from those we admire or that amuse us. When it comes to our relationships though, sometimes it’s easier to just throw our “because” on the situation.

Unfortunately, when we blame, complain about, or judge others, we are setting the Regressive Cycle in motion. These Reptilian approaches to meeting our needs disconnect us from others. To shift from the Regressive Cycle to the Progressive Cycle, we begin with Conscious Curiosity instead of making harmful statements. Curiosity sets the Progressive Cycle in motion because when we are genuinely curious about the thoughts, opinions, feelings, and needs of others, it sends a message that we care and that it’s safe to share with us. It also says, “I respect you enough to ask you for your input and listen to it.”

I was on a call the other day with a successful CEO who was complaining that people were always coming to him for solutions to their problems. He was annoyed that they weren’t stepping up to their leadership potential. When I asked him what he did when they showed up in his office, he said, “I tell them what to do.” Simple enough. But then he was frustrated that they weren’t leading to the level he wanted them to. If his need was for his leaders to be more engaged and take more responsibility, then providing solutions and then holding it against them was clearly not working. I suggested that in the future, he fight the urge to tell, and instead ask. Question first before making statements. Not only would this calm his reptilian reactions but would empower and support his team to come up with more creative and collaborative solutions.

What Makes Questions So Effective?

Asking questions, of both others and ourselves, invokes Conscious Curiosity. This opens up possibilities and draws us, and our relationships, towards what we really want. When we ask a question, we form a vacuum in the brain. Since our brain can’t stand a vacuum, it goes to work to answer the question. When this happens, electrical impulses begin to fire. Now our higher reasoning center, the neocortex, is in the driver’s seat, and the reptilian brain moves into the passenger seat. Our behavior shifts to a more reasonable and rational state and moves away from the aggressive or defensive way of operating. It takes time for the emotions to subside but if we keep being curious and asking questions, we can begin to engage those around us creatively rather than defensively.

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When we self-monitor in this way, slowing down our responses enough to Consciously Choose Curiosity rather than to unconsciously react, the possible outcomes are far more positive. Remember, this is not about changing others, even though many of us probably have a long list of people we’d love to change. On the contrary, it’s about being personally responsible so that we respond in such a way as to elicit reasonable and rational reactions from others. Remember, though, while we can certainly influence other people, the only person we can truly change is ourselves. As the director Rob Reiner has said, “Everybody talks about wanting to change things to help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot, because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect.” When we change our reaction to others through Consciously Choosing Curiosity, something amazing happens. Our interaction with them also changes. We begin to operate in the Progressive Cycle, where safety and respect are present.

Spice it Up

An orthopedic surgeon I was interviewing told me that unless both participants in a situation are willing to change, the interaction would not change. He was adamant that those around him had to change, even his wife. I asked him whether he thought that changing his tone of voice, facial expression, and choice of words might make it easier to work with these people. He wasn’t quite sure. I told him I thought the interaction was like cooking. If we keep using the same recipe time and time again, we’ll keep getting the same results. But what if we add a different ingredient, like cinnamon? The flavor and taste will automatically change. It’s the same with our interactions. If we change ourselves and throw a different ingredient into the interaction, like curiosity, the interaction can’t help but change. We are in charge of the ingredients we throw into our interactions with others.

I hope you’ll throw some curiosity into your interactions and see how it affects your relationships and the results you’re attempting to achieve together.

About the webinar

The webinars and videos Martin does with Hayden are designed to deepen the awareness and understanding of Martin's two day workshop "Conscious Choosing for Flow." In the webinars Martin interviews Hayden as they discuss topics from Hayden's Book "Conscious Choosing for Flow Transforming Conflict Into Creativity."
These 15-20 minute webinars provide real-life examples of how consciously choosing curiosity impacts relationships and affects the results people are able to achieve. Martin is an affiliate of Conscious Choosing.

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Have you ever gotten out of a fight by accident?

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Have you ever gotten out of a fight by accident? 

Let’s face it, engaging in any form of meaningful relationship we risk conflict. No matter how much we respect or care about people, we’re going to occasionally find ourselves at odds with them. Our views differ. Our needs differ. We handle our emotions in completely different ways. Eventually we fight. 

Everyone knows the relief we feel when that conflict ends. Doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, family member, or a colleague. hat point where the fight is over and the fire subsides, every part of our bodies releases the tension. You no longer feel the need to fight or run away so you can talk again. It’s like the world shifted. That post-conflict peace is so good that I wanted to figure out how to get there faster. Even better, I wanted a way to avoid the conflict altogether. So I began reflecting on how I get OU of fights. I discovered an interesting category of fights that ended by accident. 

You read right: by accident.  

 

Posted in From The Curiosity Theory Book Tagged with: ,

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